1. "A truly appreciative child will break, lose, spoil, or fondle to death any really successful gift within a matter of minutes." ~ Russell Lynes
2. "The quickest way for a parent to get a child's attention is to sit down and look comfortable." ~ Lane Olinhouse
3. "When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice safe playpen. When they're finished, I climb out." ~ Erma Bombeck
4. "Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope." ~ Bill Cosby
5. "You can learn many things from children. How much patience you have, for instance." ~ Franklin P. Jones
6. "Few things are more satisfying than seeing your own children have teenagers of their own." ~ Doug Larson.
7. "A three year old child is a being who gets almost as much fun out of a fifty-six dollar set of swings as it does out of finding a small green worm." ~ Bill Vaughan.
8. "In the little world in which children have their existence, whosoever brings them up, there is nothing so finely perceived and so finely felt as injustice." ~ Charles Dickens
9. "It is amazing how quickly the kids learn to drive a car, yet are unable to understand the lawnmower, snowblower or vacuum cleaner." ~ Ben Bergor
10. "The reason grandchildren and grandparents get along so well is because they have a common enemy." ~ Author Unknown
11. "Like all parents, my husband and I just do the best we can, and hold our breath, and hope we've set aside enough money to pay for our kids' therapy." ~ Michelle Pfeiffer
12. "The truth is that parents are not really interested in justice. They just want quiet." ~ Bill Cosby
13. "Mothers are all slightly insane." ~ J.D. Salinger
14. "The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for thirty years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found." ~ Calvin Trillin
15. "If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?" ~ Milton Berle
16. "Raising kids is part joy and part guerrilla warfare." ~ Ed Asner
17. "Parents are the bones on which children cut their teeth." ~ Peter Ustinov
18. "Think of stretch marks as pregnancy service stripes." ~ Joyce Armor
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